SEX

You know I have always wanted to share cuddling, and snuggling and other things with you. Holding hands in public. A soft kiss.  Like the softer side of Love making. Tantra that I inherently know as nearly everything I know inherently. I master anything I desire by simply imagining it. Be it cooking, writing, physical fitness, any arts, any thing if I REALLY want to feel it. And so it has long been LOVE in the physical I have longed for all my life. And so I have been here on this planet for some time analyzing all it's working behind it's seens... And I have seen it all. Don't get me wrong I do not see ANY reason not to enjoy it ALL, the exciting and daring things too. Yet for whatever reason I have agreed to not undress you. I suppose that is what a man does on this planet. He let's the female undress her self, or at the very most he does it at her abode. So it is while your outside says you'd like to stay where you are and for me to leave you alone... Well. Since when do I pay ANY attention to what's going on outside!!!? Certainly if going by outside alone on so many accounts we would have gone NO WHERE. As you have not seen the beauty out that I have seen.

I feel the calling inside. I used to assume by minds design, that your inability to cuddle and spoon and do all the wonderful things that a man and woman would greatly benefit from TOGETHER was because of your weight and insecurity about that. But no indeed that was not it all, was it? Not "really", that was merely a "side effect." And while I have always been aware of the reasons you gave your self, I never really wanted to over step my boundaries and draw it out of you. Well now these boundaries are being dissolved and I no longer need play by these boundaries... with you nor ANY one any longer! And I thank GOD for that!  For so long it made not a sense to me how I could feel something so sensual from you and get it in very Earthly ways from time to time... Yet you were also the most defense and prudish person sexually! Even on non intercourse levels!  I cannot fathom your own design because if I could it would not be fun. All I can give you is that I feel enough and "know" enough to share with you this...

Sex is not really what you have "learned" it is. Like much of this world. The woman has been told she is to uphold the system and protect it. And she does so with her life. Yet this system, which I am sure you are more or less aware, is crumbling. From the schools, to the monetary system, to the living systems, and yes even the sexual/partnership systems. All the books that are so well known now will be useless tomorrow. Everything we thought, for the most part, has been a lie. Yes it's extent is FAR more out reaching  than your movies could EVER portray! It has been a great deal of my frustration with this planet. It's inability to see past the non-sense, literally VOID of SELF feeling, in it's so called teachings and systems.

Please, in all actuality we have no "system" in our expanded degree of consciousness. Anyway back to my purpose of this. Sharing with you that after very mildly being drawn against my Hearts desire to spend some time with other women of this planet...and playing out in a way my Heart told my mind to give it to you... You are not alone. Woman (in general sense) have no true understanding of making Love. While yes the man has little understanding of the "physical" working of exciting a woman, believe me or not, that matter little if you go where I'd like to go. They too (women in general) have been abused in one way or another. They to are simply drawn to the more "excited" state where it's got to be as these "pornos" have taught us. Doing what they THINK will please man and so man often does what he thinks he is supposed to do and often little pleasure is had from either participant! Let me tell you anyone in their right mind knows the positions in Kama Sutra were NOT done at the pace and expectation of Western porn! 

Our women here do not forget, rather just deny that it never happened. And let me be clear here as to my language because we so often get it confused here in it's meaning. Notice I did not write you "deny it happened"...  I mean deny it never happening. For what ever you THINK happened is what keeps you from finding yourself. As so many women hold onto and protect this system of the mind that controls THIS world ... Yet all must feel it is to no longer have this "unnatural" control. So in controlling the mind many women, by design they are the "biggest" controllers so to speak, cannot let go of a thought of abuse. For to truly let go of that abuse and realize the person you TRULY are did NOT receive that abuse. It exists ONLY in the Mind of your Self that YOU control. You invisible hands literally molding and cupping things of past! Listening not only to YOUR thoughts but thoughts of Loved ones who see no clearer than you giving AD-VICE... More vice grips upon your conscious state. It keeps them from freeing who they are. It keeps us from expressing who we are and being able to ACCEPT the Whole love we are. You ARE Free then to experience and accept such a broader range of Love a being such as myself could give. It is, by far and large the WHY so many men on this planet seek MANY women! Because women of this space in time only accept a little of this or that. It does OFTEN take a good deal of women to be able to express all we wish we could express to ONE women! It is in fact why the "dumb blondes" often enjoy much attention. Because what they lack in the intellect of "trained" intelligence, they "more than make up for" in playfulness, acceptance, tenderness, and un series, or non seriousness of predetermined events.
See a being like me does not have to have 50 relations to know these things. Surely you are my reflection and must know these things as well. And so it baffles me into a sense...

My feeling is that you have been steady in not giving up an idea that bonds you so it would keep me bonded within as well. Because I have most certainly been accepting in the fact that I am supposed to wait on you before I can open up everything I am and enjoy this world! My greatest and perhaps, ONLY,motivation to treat this place loving and not turn it into the complete "chaos" it needs. Which more than likely the strong presence I am in this world with nothing be able to stop what I was sent here to do... I probably would have gotten myself killed if I had "awoken" more fully BEfore NOW! So THANK YOU. As our world here "operates" in such a strange manner! Yet today I have no thoughts of not speaking in whatever way I feel when needed. The World is ripened for a change, and so I am ripened for it as well. I will play this game that bores me, these sleeping states of no expressing who we REALLY are for a bit longer, but my patience has "run thin" ... Meaning running it's course for necessity. I write in this manner simply because my more poetic natural manner has been asked to rest for a moment. So I write more in the nature of this world for mental acceptance and observation. I write that it was YOU who made it clear to ME after you went out for your exploration that I must let go. With Heart felt speech to me about letting go of your abortion to be freed yourself ... So you could accept these three beautiful children unto you, for us. Perhaps you remember this, perhaps you don't. Yet I tell you NOW you shall let go of what you must to accept not me, but your TRUE self. As whatever come to me shall come to me. I have plenty of good coming my way as even the fate that may shock others will be heaven to me in the end. But that is far off so in the mean time I would like to be rewarded with a wife I have been chasing for more than a decade! I am running out of breathe for Christ's sake! Truly I speak what you perceive of me that scares you, is not ME nor any man that scares you. For what scares you of me I am aware, and it shall not nor can it ever go anywhere than IN MY HEART. And while I am more aware of "how to use it" than ever before, far most than most men... It is still that which is damned in your Heart that has always brought this "issue" about within you whether with me or other men... And well women, good luck!!! Keep em!

If not ever meant to speak these words in face to face flesh, I can always speak it here in the truer silent language of Love where all perceived pressure is gone.  For the "face to face" to work here... two must accept and express the same degree to receive the same degree. It is why my writing varies from my speech... To large degree this world has not been accepting of what I have to say. Even in past my writing would have gotten me killed! Yet today is my time and it grows and expands out, as it does for every One to BE their purpose without fear, judgment, or damnation from those that MATTER ... 
I will slowly do, until this world tells me otherwise to do slow more or speed up, speak out what for so long I have held IN. It's going to seem fast for many but be slow for me. For I worked their busy world with my slow process, now they will play in my fast world with their busy process!

With my absolute Love and devotion as IN ALL WAYS...

Yours Truly, BrYan